It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
