My room smells like vodka and shame
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
