just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
