i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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