Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
