I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
