Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
