Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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