6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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