Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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