I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
