i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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