you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
