Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
