She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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