I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
