i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
