I'm jealous of your bromance
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
