Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
