Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
