i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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