i barfeds in our rink
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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