So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
