i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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