some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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