I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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