go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
