Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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