yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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