after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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