All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
