i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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