You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am naked and annoyed.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
