I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
