Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
