on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
