So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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