Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
