dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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