I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize