You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
