Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize