look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
