There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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