Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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