Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
