Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
