You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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