just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
it hurts more in the daytime
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
