she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
