pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you had me at cake vodka
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
