You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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