he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize