You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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