we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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