whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
