Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize