Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
