def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
