Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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