he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
