He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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