Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
