hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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