but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
