I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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