i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
